Sometimes it hurts

Sometimes it hurts.

It really does

Other times…I don’t even notice

But somewhere deep down inside me

I know it takes its toll

Everytime I’m misunderstood…everytime I’m unfairly judged

It takes its toll

On what exactly? I’m not sure

But I feel it

In the deep recesses of my…being, I guess

With every friend I lose, the hole gets that much larger

With every new stranger, that much more corroded

That much darker

In a perfect world, I wouldn't lose anyone.

Everyone would like me and I would like everyone

This isn't a perfect world

This world isn't even ideal

And it hurts.

Sometimes, I wish they would take their time to know me

Other times I wish they would just die.

Sometimes I think I hate them

Other times, I don’t remember they exist.

It’s like trying to grasp those colours you see when you close your eyes

I can’t quite put my finger on it...

But objectively…I know I don’t care.

I’m going to die…and everyone who might have known me

Will have their opinion of my existence

Good, bad, indifferent…it doesn't matter

Because they too will die

And my existence will matter no more than that speck of dirt,

That clings to your shoe after a long day of walking

Unceremoniously wiped off and thrown away,

The other specks of dirt surrounding it suffering the same fate.

So objectively…I don’t care

But sometimes…

Sometimes it hurts.

- 

Jarid Hewlett