Birth of hate

For every time you crush my soul

Another part of me grows cold

The goodness forced from out my eyes

Cannot return...oh how it tries

They say that hurt turns hearts to ice

It’s my chest, not heart, that’s in this vice

Every laboured breath I take

Leaves a trail of fog, in its wake

My muscles clench, my hair lies still

My pain is stifled in its crib

Its dying cries you will not hear

Hatred’s laughter fills the air

My vision blurs, I cannot see

Only what you've done to me

My saddened scowl slowly fades

A smile creeps up and takes its place

An empty silence fills my gut

Where butterflies once used to strut

My palms no longer wet with sweat

They’re cooled...the chilliness of my breath

My tears long dried and blown away

This burning anger, here to stay

Oh!

But this lies hidden, yes it does

A bloody hand in satin gloves

A deceptive smile to hide the hate

No warning sign at this gate

But all who enter, please beware

What you seek will not be here

No heart to warm with words of love

No soul for blessings from above

A frozen shell is what I am

A soulless, angry fucking man

So when you ask me “all is well?”

I wish to God you'd rot in hell

For every time...you crush my soul...

Another part of me...grows cold.

Echoes

Though still a million miles away

Your echoes fill the air

A long forgotten yesterday

Yet still I feel you here

I sit and watch the clouds roll by

And close my eyes and think

The many tears I did not cry

Would more than fill a sink

Your voice still lingers in the sky

Above the mountain tops

A time that once was you and I

A time almost forgot

You’re still out there somewhere I know

Your voice, so haunting still

To you my dear, I’ll never go

This problem has no pill

I trust that i’ll forget these things

Your face will be a blur

Ne'er again to hear you sing

You won’t deny, you won’t aver

That day cannot come soon enough

I’m tired of this noise

 I sit and overlook this bluff

False hope has left me poised

But no my dear, I will not jump

I’ll not end what could have been

Though in my throat a heavy lump

I’ll never cease to dream

You’re years away but still I hear

Your voice and see your face

You echo loudly in my air

It’s time I leave this place

I’d run as far as I can go

Run as fast as time and space

Something stops me quickly though
A problem not prefaced

Your echoes are not in the air

I can’t leave them behind

You my dear are everywhere

Seared forever in my mind

Somebody shot my son

Somebody shot my son

Somebody shot my son

Some low down cowardly bastard with a gun

He shot him down

He shot him down

He shot my son right in the middle of town

My son had flaws

Yes, he had them all

My son was not the best, but damn he was my son

Why’d you shoot my son?

Why’d you shoot my son?

What to you had my poor dead son done?

So you wanted cash?

Or did he beat your ass?

So you went home, got your gun and shot my son?

My son is gone

My son is gone

That baby boy I raised for years and years is gone

I’m gonna miss him so

I’m gonna miss him so

I’ll miss the last time I watched my son walk through that door

Somebody shot my son

Somebody shot my son

All I know is that that bastard’s shooting days are done

They caught the one

They ran him down

They caught the dirty stinking beast that shot my son

I’m gonna gun him down

Yeah, I’m gonna gun him down

I’m gonna shoot and watch his blood spill all over the ground

Somebody shot my son

But I gunned him down,

Now his daddy’s singing, oh God...somebody shot my son.

Somebody shot my son

Soul Collector

My name is Jack Ferriman

A reaper of souls

For those who don’t know

And for those whom I’ve told

There’s something about me

That brightens your day

My seductive smile,

The way that I sway

I’ll convince you of anything

Whether true or invented

Get into your mind

Once it’s evil I’ve scented...

Trust in my lies,

You gullible fool

I’ve thought of them well

I’m Lucifer’s tool

Say your goodbyes

To all you have loved

Save your biggest farewell

To the place up above

For when your time comes,

And I guarantee soon

You’ll be slowly descending

In a fiery cocoon

And this is my promise

To all those who dare

Keep trusting in me

Please have no fear

I look with contempt

At the love in your heart

To my promise you're drawn,

From that love you depart

The one thing that is true

My one honesty...

Is that I’ve come here for you

You’re coming with me

My name is Jack Ferriman

A reaper of souls

For those who don’t know

And for those whom I’ve told

[November 13th 2010]

Intentions

As I set out on the road of life

I notice good intentions

They’re strewn all about the path ahead

No chance, no hope, redemption

Broken, abandoned, alone and cold

They seem so lonely lying

Just a shell of former self

Quietly just dying

The more I travel, the less I see

It’s as if hope has lost all meaning

Good intentions are few and far between

At least where this road is leading

As I look at the road behind

At all the orphaned feelings

I wonder what could have been

If they had some time for healing

No time for what could have been

As I set out on my way

“Carpe diem, you limey bastards!"

I’m going to seize the fucking day

[November 4th 2010]

Hours

Staring.

For hours, I sit staring solemnly at the phone

Waiting for it to ring.

Time is short they say

A decade but a drop in the ocean of eternity

What then must an hour be?

A cell on the hairs of a flea in the infinity of the universe.

An hour ago, I could have picked up that phone

And heard your voice.

I could have made a joke and heard your laugh.

An hour ago.

A portion of time so insignificant to the universe

A wind in the vast emptiness of space

A portion of time I would give anything to have again.

There is so much I could have told you

Asked you

Showed you...

An hour ago

So still I sit....staring at the phone

Wishing it were an hour ago

Or a day ago, or a week ago, or a month ago, or a year ago...

It’s said that life is short

Life IS short

Love is not

I loved you before I met you

I loved you before we spoke

I loved you before we laughed

I loved you before we cried

I would have loved you even if I had never met you at all.

I will love you now...long after you’re gone

Death is for the living

The dead know only life.

It’s difficult to feel sad for you

Knowing that you’re free from all the limitations of life

Whether you’re in a better place,

Or just at peace

You are certainly not angry, or sad, or frightened, or in pain.

Those are sensations and emotions interpreted by your body

The body you’ve left behind

Something tangible for the living

To aid our memories

I’ll go to your funeral and tell you bye

But you’ve already left

I’ll sit at night and speak to you

But you’ve heard everything I have to say

You know the meaning of life

You know the answers to the unanswerable

I wish

Just for a moment

That you could come back and tell me who’s right

That you could speak to the world and let them know how pointless their arguments are

Because you know

But you can’t

Or you won’t

Maybe the answers are so wonderful, the suspense is necessary

I don’t know where you really are

Whether here with me

Or someplace better

But I do know your memory remains.

I’ll never remember the clothes you wore

Or the things you bought

I’ll never remember the balance on your bank account

What I will remember are the small things

The things I took for granted each day

Your smile, 

The way you walked,

The sound of your laughter,

The way you shook my hand,

The way you hugged me,

Your company

Your you-ness

I’ll always remember those things.

If only it were an hour ago...

I would do them all one last time.

But if everyone had an hour back, time would stand still forever

My hour’s gone

And so are you

I’ll miss you

Just like I’ll miss all those hours I spent knowing you

The minutes I spent talking to you

The seconds I spent laughing with you

Time is always moving forward, mercilessly, compassionately, 

Hatefully, Lovingly...

Unbiased and unaffected...

Hours march on not caring about our feelings, our wants or our desires

I don’t hate the hours though

They gave me you

They took you away

And still they march.

Hours may come and go

But love lasts forever.

I’ll stop staring at the phone

Waiting for a call I know won’t ever come.

Instead, I will raise the receiver to my ear

And speak to someone I love.

So that the next hour that passes

Doesn’t leave me wishing...

It were an hour ago.

Dedicated to Michael Hewlett and Ordette Wade

[July 28th 2010]

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Annoying aspirations attuned attentively always bestow between boys bequeathed carelessly, courageously, contemptuously...confounding Confucius’ diatribe, disastrously determining daring extravagances exceeding expectations elegantly. Fortuitously, forgotten feelings fantasized garnished gluttonously help heroes, heroines, ignite incessant incendiaries into jackass Johnnies jumping jubilantly. Killing Kings look lustrously leeward...lessening love many meticulously managed, noting nomenclatures nonsensically nosing nervously, opening opportunities outward. Prudish patriarchs parrot pale policies pestering queens quickly reserving restitution rigorously saving something sinister. Suddenly towards the towers, thousands throng threateningly understanding Underland, vociferously voicing vehement villainous visages. Will we waver? Wonderland’s weeping willows welcome Xavier yonder, yelling “you yellowed yakking youth! Zanzibar’s zygnomic zoon.” 

[July 6th 2010]

Dance, Dance

The lights fade ever so softly, blinking with epileptic ferocity

I spot you in your corner...not paying attention

Bodies sway in and out all around me

Determinedly I make my way through the crowd

The closer I get, the faster my heart beats

After what feels like hours, I’m finally there

You haven’t yet seen me but my heart is in my throat

Even with the music blaring this loudly, I’m certain you can hear it

I reach forward and rub your arm so as not to startle you

You turn around and our eyes meet

My choking heartbeat slows a bit at the warmth of your smile

You turn back around, easing ever so slightly into my grateful embrace

My arms tighten around your waist

As my face finds the warmth of your neck...

Your smell takes me away from there...to a place only accessible in dreams

Who knew a simple dance could be so...complicated

Before I know it, I kiss you

My tongue tastes your neck ever so slightly

I catch myself and move back, preparing an apology in my mind

You don’t even turn around

I watch as you take my hands and bring me closer to you

All I can do is close my eyes and continue this conversation

Spoken only in body language...

There is so much to talk about...we dip, we slide...we rock, we sway

I don’t want to stop talking to you...

As quickly as it started...the background to our rhythmic painting fades away

I finally open my eyes, my hand still holding yours

I can barely see you in the darkness, but the light in your eyes is hard to miss

Goodbye dear

I watch you as you walk away...and unexpectedly, you look back

In that moment I know I’m not alone

My racing heart has found its other half...

We smile as you walk away

Goodbye dear

We'll meet again under OUR mistletoe

The corner where our body language flows, inhibition goes, and feelings grow

Tomorrow's another night.

[June 14th 2010]

The Faculty

I have something I want you to hear

This place is not something to fear

I might look imposing, but that’s just my clothing

Underneath, I'm really quite bare

I’ve stood here for many a year

I’ve seen laughter and quite a few tears

The faces have changed, but the essence remains

Many lifetimes have sat in these chairs

Some say I’m the ultimate test

That I accept only the best

But that’s quite untrue, I promise you

Struggling is part of the quest

Every year without fail

The learned and the learning share tales

Memories they'll not have again

Stories that never grow stale

Soon, you will understand

I'm not a difficult man

But time flies so fast, the present's soon past

The hourglass is shifting its sand

So goodbye’s just hello

More flood in as most go

The old bid the new ones adieu

It’s an endless, unstoppable flow

So thanks for your time

It was truly sublime 

The future’s unknown and quite dark

You’ll soon see I...was a walk in the park

[April 16th 2010]

The Vanguard

A thunderous roar shatters the silence

Like the hounds of hell being unleashed

The earth trembles under the might of men

Step by step, the grass bows before their boots...cowering in fear

The artillery fires

The missiles shriek and scream across the skies

The earth is in the air....flying everywhere 

This...this kaleidoscope of death...

This is where we enter

Guns blazing...the smell of gunpowder filling our every breath

The barrel jerking and shuddering in our hands

Through the fire we run...heads held high

Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall!

To fall is to die...to die is to lose

The burning grass has given way to sand

Yet onwards we run...we, the vanguard

No one looks to their left or to their right...

We brave few have only one mission...to go forth

Onwards...we cannot even see the enemy

Through the smoke, clouds, dust and fog, he is an invisible force

Lurking just ahead...coming towards us just as quickly

Ferociously...determined....

Suddenly they are upon us...we see the whites of their eyes

We lash out with the rest of our energy...

We hope to slash their very soul...death is our only mission

Our faces contort to masks of rage as we slash and hack

We strike, kick and stomp...anything that causes pain, we use

Blood flows freely here...covering our faces, blurring our sight

The bitter taste stains our mouths as we strike them down

Our rage is so great, we feel no pain...the only thing we feel is our anger, our fury

We take lives as quickly as we can...

Moving on from one body to the next

The stream is never ending, but we are not deterred

Through the smoke, dust, fog and flesh...we fight.

__________________________________________________

The pain catches me off guard and I stumble

My side is wet; I clutch it as I fall

I grab in vain to stop myself, but it’s too late...

I hit the sand face first, planting my palms into the gritty pebbles

I need to get back on my feet, so I grasp at the earth

Trying to find my strength

That’s when I see him...

As I crawl through the river of blood soaked sand, I see my end

He runs towards me at full speed, his knife raised above his head

I turn onto my back and raise my hands to catch his death blow

We grapple, turning over and over in the red sand

As I struggle against his strength, I feel mine drain

My resistance weakens as his blade gets closer and closer to my heart

My mask of rage is gone...instead; a wave of realisation hits me

This is it.

This day, I lose...finally lose. 

Still I fight...pushing upwards with all the strength I have left....

I scream into his face, my fury growing weaker as his grows stronger

Then it happens...

The blade pierces my soul

I lie still...still screaming in anger

My screams grow more garbled as my throat fills with blood

He pulls out and pierces me again, each thrust more powerful than the last

I feel the pain no longer...

I stare into his eyes...my face has gone still

He pulls the knife out my chest and runs onwards, plunging it into another fallen

Bodies fall all around me

Soon, even he will join them...

I lie looking at the sky...I can finally see it

The blue slowly emerges from behind the fog of red and black

Far above, an eagle soars

I watch her move effortlessly through the heavens

The noise has gone...silence once again envelops the land in its sweet embrace

I blink...

This is it

I try to take one last breath, but I can’t...

My lungs ache for air...

I blink...

My fingers clutch the sand at my sides

This is it!

I blink...

Once again the thunderous roar blasts furiously

The ground begins its trembling

The boots commence their march

I’ve done my duty...good luck comrades...

I close my eyes and face the unknown

My hands unclench as I cease to move

My tired body rests

[March 24th 2010]